| Joke Name |
• Maria Bamford: Charity on Camera
Like most Americans, I like to help others while being televised. I'd like to go to an area of the world where they really need my help. Like, 'We're here in sub-Saharan Africa because people sometimes have to walk tens of hundreds of miles for... |
• Jesse Joyce: Hot Medical Interns
I got some advice if there's any single dudes in the room. If you ever have to go in for surgery, for whatever reason, they want to put a lot of hot chicks involved in the surgery process. There's always, like, hot surgical interns running around,... |
• Cristela Alonzo: Strippers in Med School
I meet a lot of strippers, and they always say the same thing: 'I'm paying my way through medical school.' Now, if that's the truth, why is that you never meet a doctor that used to be a stripper? You'd think they'd be everywhere. |
• Marta Ravin: Work-Related Medical Condition
I have unfortunately developed a medical condition. I don't know if any of you people have ever heard of it, it's called 'office ass.' You get it from sitting on your ass and eating M&Ms all day. It's at a pretty advanced stage right now. So, I... |
• Wanda Sykes: Cutting Out Carbs
They mess with your food, they do. They go 'Well Wanda, first we're gonna cut out all your carbs...' OK, wait a minute, hold up. Let me explain something to you. I've got this medical condition, and when you cut out my carbs -- my foot? Right up your ass. |
• Greg Fitzsimmons: Medical Research
These are the big breakthroughs in science and technology in the last 10 years: we have Rogaine, Prozac, now we have Viagra. You get a sense for who's bankrolling medical research in this country. It's just depressed, balding, white guys who can't... |
• Mitch Hedberg: Take a Physical
To do this show, I had to take a physical, and they asked me a lot of medical questions. And they were, like, yes and no questions, but they were very strangely worded. Like, 'Have you ever tried sugar -- or PCP?' |
• Patton Oswalt: Shocking Medical Videos
They showed a show called, 'Fox's Most Shocking Medical Videos.' Did anybody see this show, 'Most Shocking Medical Videos'? OK, couple things -- number one: all medical videos are shocking. They're medical videos, for God's sake! There's no... |
• Patton Oswalt: Not Medical Science Education
During the show, they kept trying to tell you, 'You're going to learn something about medical science. This is a very educational show.' No, this is all wet-ass-hour surgery, when the bottom has fallen through the basement, and some guy comes in... |
• Dom Irrera: Friendly Medical Advice
You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor -- like you didn't know it? |
• Arj Barker: Smoker's Paradise
I could've enjoyed a cigarette if I smoked back before everyone knew it was bad -- say, like, 1923. Everybody smoked back then. There was no medical information against it; they had no idea -- it was a paradise. It was a smoker's paradise:... |
• David Feldman: Grandmother in Medical School
My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest. |
• Matt Iseman: From Medicine to Comedy
I went to medical school here at Columbia. I got my M.D. I was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up -- and not just because of the lawsuits. |
• Matt Iseman: Quitting the Medical Profession
I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine. Turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better. |
• Jim Hamilton: Can't Have Children
I went to the doctor and I found out that I can't have children. The medical reason, as far as I understand it, is that when I ejaculate, there is rarely, if ever, a woman in the room. |
• Richard Lewis: Harvard Rat Study
There was a big study in Boston, Harvard, a big medical test. Rats would rather starve than not do a Quayle joke. |
• Marc Maron: Animal Testing
I just read an article in the paper the other day that, in an experiment, a medical experiment, they actually hooked up electrodes to the pleasure center of a lab monkey's brain and, at the flip of a switch, sent the monkey into perpetual orgasm.... |
• The Amazing Health Computer
One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." |
• The Businessman's Medical Problem
A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: “You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off.”... |
Another Robbie Martin Site 2008 http://bondi-blond.com
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